Hi it’s Mary and welcome to Being Mary.
You know how sometimes a thought starts with something small…
and then it opens into something much bigger? Have you ever had that happen?
Well, Hockey tryouts are coming up this spring for my grandson,
and it got me thinking — not just about hockey — but about life.
Because hockey tryouts…
they’re not really about hockey, are they?
They’re about effort.
Pressure.
Disappointment.
Confidence.
And learning who you are when someone is watching — and judging.
And maybe that’s why they matter so much.
I’ve been wondering what it is we actually tell our kids about hockey tryouts.
Some parents say,
“Work hard. Push yourself. Do everything you can to make that team.”
Others say,
“Just try your best. Whatever happens, happens.”
And personally, I don’t think either of those is wrong.
But I do wonder…
are WE walking the talk in our own lives?
Are we pushing our children to live dreams that maybe we didn’t get to live?
Or are we teaching them what it really means to want something — and work for it?
Because here’s the simple truth…
you don’t get very far in life by just drifting along.
Let’s take something like health.
If I say I want to live to be a healthy 90 or 100,
that’s not going to happen by accident.
It’s not going to happen by doing the bare minimum.
I’m going to have to eat well.
Move my body.
Look after my mental health.
Show up for myself.
And no amount of encouragement from anyone else will do that for me.
It has to come from inside.
And maybe that’s one of the most important lessons hockey tryouts can teach.
Now, there is pressure in life.
And I don’t think pretending there isn’t helps our kids.
But there’s a difference between encouraging a child
and pushing them so hard that they lose themselves.
Especially as they hit those teenage years.
Push too hard, and sometimes they don’t rise.
Sometimes they rebel.
Sometimes they shut down completely.
It’s a delicate dance being a parent, isn’t it?
How do we teach our kids to work hard…
without teaching them that their worth depends on the outcome?
One thing I do know is this:
Coaches notice effort.
Effort is something every child controls.
You can’t control who else shows up at tryouts.
You can’t control the decisions that are made.
But you can control how hard you try.
And when we praise effort — not just results —
we’re telling our kids:
“You matter, even when things don’t go your way.”
That’s a lesson they’ll carry long after hockey is over.
I also think how we show up after tryouts
matters even more than how we show up before.
If they make the team, we celebrate.
And we teach gratitude and humility.
If they don’t make the team,
we sit with the disappointment.
We don’t rush to fix it.
We don’t minimize it.
Because life has disappointments.
And this might be one of the first times they learn:
“I didn’t get what I wanted… and I’m still okay.”
That lesson doesn’t make it hurt less in the moment —
but it builds resilience they’ll need later.
As a grandparent, I feel pretty lucky.
I’m going to love my grandchildren no matter how they perform in life.
No matter what team they make.
No matter what they achieve.
And yes — I’ll be honest —
it does feel really good to watch them succeed.
And Both things can be true.
But the love doesn’t change.
And maybe that’s the safest place a child can land.
Before tryouts… after tryouts…
actually — all the time.
I think There are three things every child needs to hear:
1.“I love you — and I always will.”
2. “I love watching you play. Being here with you matters to me.”
3. “Work hard. Have fun. And if it stops being fun… let’s talk.”
And you know what?
I still need to hear those things too.
Sometimes I think…
we’re all just trying out in life.
Trying to be healthy.
Trying to be brave.
Trying to follow dreams.
Trying not to give up.
And wouldn’t it be nice
if we encouraged each other the way we encourage our kids?
To say:
“I see your effort.”
“I believe in you.” and
“I’m proud of you — no matter the outcome.”
Maybe hockey tryouts aren’t really about making the team.
Maybe they’re about learning how to show up —
even when the outcome isn’t guaranteed.
And maybe our job — as parents, grandparents, and humans —
is to remind each other that effort matters…
and love isn’t something you have to earn.
Let’s sit with that for a clock tick or two.
Until next time, keep walking, keep being proud of your own effort and keep being you!
